065-071 » assign to oblivion / part iii

[villagemod]

WHO: Everyone
WHERE: Mathias Township proper
WHEN: Days 065-071
WHAT: The residents of Mathias reunite under unnerving conditions.
WARNINGS: (PM this account to have a warning added!)
NOTES: Plotting post over here!

RECOMMENDED ♫ Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross "Outside"

DAY 065-071
ASSIGN TO OBLIVION
“No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes
place in the interim, there are some things we can never
assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away.”
— Haruki Murakami

Only two days have passed since the town was fractured, leaving residents cut off from those they'd come to know and even care for. A mere two days of wandering the new streets, uncovering more secrets that continue to make little sense of this strange place. Two days with sunrises, sunsets, and nights that seem like any other.

And yet.

When residents wake on this third day, they will find that much has changed. All around them, wherever they may be, there are signs that time has passed without them. Dust covers everything, indoors and out, even areas that were spotlessly clean seemingly hours ago. The residents themselves are covered as well, dust clinging to their hair, skin, and clothing—

Clothing that they may not have been wearing when they went to sleep. Each resident, regardless of the state they were in previously, is now clad in a pair of white pajamas, with long pants and button-up shirts. Those who thoroughly explored Baneberry Hall will easily recognize these articles as identical to those well-stocked in the decaying great house. On top of this, the clothes they wore from home have disappeared, along with anything else they may have brought with them when they arrived or items from home that have been found within the borders of Mathias.

There is no sign that anyone has entered their place of shelter, nor is there any sign of what may have been done with these items or how they came to be wearing these clothes. The dust all around them is undisturbed, almost as if they had been sleeping there for quite some time, though it seems impossible for such a thing to have occurred naturally.


THE NEW ARRIVALS
The newest arrivals to Mathias will wake up on the lawn of Town Hall, at the center of the little town square. They, too, are bereft of any items from home and clothed in the identical white pajamas. There are shops all around them, with houses just beyond, and at first glance, everything seems almost picturesque. Except for the silence that is at times so complete as to be maddening... Welcome to Mathias.

---

SUMMERTIME
— When summer arrives, so too does an outdoor stand in front of the General Store. Sporting a handpainted sign proclaiming Whateley Farm, the stand is overflowing with a variety of produce: berries, plums, carrots, cabbage, cucumbers, green beans, leeks, onions, peppers, potatoes, zucchini, tomatoes, and garlic bulbs. These do not replace the produce offerings normally found inside the market, but they do behave strangely. The stand replenishes sporadically, sometimes every other day or every five days. There is no discernible pattern to when it replenishes, nor is there any sign of how it came to be there at all.

— With the now-complete reverse change of season, much of the autumn debris has cleared from around town. Only a few stray leaves and fallen branches remain, their crisp colors at odds with the warm summer days. The forest has also cleared of much of the fall detritus, making it easier to both follow the paths and potentially spy things that might be out of the ordinary.

---

CONDITIONS UPDATE

— THE WEATHER Summer has arrived in Mathias, bringing with it warm days that average 70°F and comfortably cool nights. The skies are clear throughout the week save for Day 68 when a light rain falls from a grey sky throughout the day.

— THE FOG has maintained its new boundaries.

— Residents may now wander the southern stretch of the forest surrounding Mathias Township — it is possible to leave the paths but potentially unwise to do so.
— The fog has also retreated from the western section of town entirely.
— Access to the northern section of the forest is still blocked beginning a few dozen yards past the treeline; this section of fog will urge residents to stay huddled within the town proper by inducing a physical reaction of panic and fear.

— DISAPPEARANCES AND DEATHS continue! Max Guevara and Liz Brundy have disappeared, and now that everyone is back together, residents will notice that Yennefer, Number Five, and Tony Stark have also vanished.

— ALCOHOL supplies have run dry, save for any dregs that have been squirreled away by individual residents. Moonshine can still be acquired by those in desperate need.

---

OOC NOTES

— UPDATES Don't forget to report updates as they come up! Changes to locations (like toppling a few bookshelves in the library), big plots you have coming up that will affect the game (parties, major property destruction, etc), or exciting discoveries that may tie into the game's mythology (even the things provided by the mod) are very helpful to have in one place so relevant page updates can be made. IC events are also helpful to know about in advance so they can be included in the log write-ups.

— MOD STATUS My non-RP life is busy and chaotic and I continue to ask for your forgiveness and understanding as game things continue to be slower, as I cannot promise timely mod responses beyond weekends and even that is not wholly guaranteed.

— ITEMS FROM HOME All items from home that characters would normally possess have vanished for this log and will return in the next. This includes clothing and possessions they had when they arrived in Mathias, items that were found in the rain, and items that were found in Baneberry Hall and removed from the property. Items from home that were left behind by other characters no longer in the game have also vanished. (All other items and clothing still remain, it is only items from characters' homes that have disappeared.)

— BANEBERRY ITEMS The items from home that were not removed from Baneberry Hall in the last log have vanished from the property. These items will not reappear in the next log. (Please be sure to comment in the appropriate spot on those logs about the state of your character's item for inventory purposes, ie whether they were removed from the property or left behind.)

— ACTIVITY CHECK Beginning with June's AC (posted at the start of July), all tags that consist of only dialogue will count as 0.5 points, not just those that occur in an inbox thread — this applies to both AC and AP totals. This adjustment is an extension of what has been in place since the start of the game: that all dialogue-only inbox tags counted for a half-point. Since such tags have occurred regularly in log threads as well, the half-point status is simply being extended to all tags regardless of location in order to be fairer in point distribution. (Examples will be provided in the AC post to assist with proper counting.)

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Comments

[abrightboy]

Good. He joined them.

Malcolm had told Neal those things earlier that day, but he expected it meant a lot coming from a man he’d just assaulted and who could have just as easily decided he didn’t need this shit. But Raylan wasn’t like that, the sort of person who would abandon a friend in crisis.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Just. Don’t leave us.”

[tinstar]

Raylan could have. He could have stormed off and let Neal self destruct. He could have hooked his fingers into everything sitting in his chest, in his heart, in his head and shown his ass properly.

He could have.

But there was already enough loss of life here that every one mattered and enough loss of trust and civility that Raylan was tired of losing people. He couldn't do anything about John leaving, he couldn't do anything about Daisy or Ellie or Claire or.. Or Tim. Or Neal, if he wasn't allowed to.

But Neal had taken the first step. He was trying. He had joined them. Raylan didn't feel like he should say anything else, at the exact moment. Malcolm had a softer hand and one that Neal hadn't wanted to tear off less than twenty minutes ago.

[conning]

He draws his knees up to rest his forehead against them, digging his bandaged hands into filthy hair. Don't leave us, Malcolm says, and it registers that the only other time someone has wanted him to stay when he's tried to run, it was Peter.

"Yes," he finally says to his knees, though really it's aimed at Raylan. "I know you know you messed up."

[tinstar]

Raylan held his teacup between his knees.

"I accept your bein' pissed about it and all the reasons why. I know I'm a shitheel. I deserved every hit you swung. Probably more." He took a deep breath. "I also know that no amount of talkin' is just gonna.. make things okay again. I don't expect that."

I just want to be able to talk to you. It might take time. Raylan was fine with that too. So long as the time between wasn't like that. Where either of them is lunging on the street. Too angry to listen to any reason, too angry to want to find a path forwards.

[abrightboy]

“You’re not a shitheel,” Malcolm told Raylan sharply. He looked between them. “I think everyone is so immersed in this place, they’re forgetting how extreme the trauma and pressure we’re all under is. How badly we’re all being pushed. How much this place wants to break us and how they try to do that by first breaking us apart from each other. Everyone copes in different ways.”

He looked at Neal. “Yeah,” he said softly, “I wish I was Raylan’s everything,” he admits plainly, “but I also knew I wasn’t. It’s not ideal for me, but I understand why someone would cling to every bit if comfort that… that there is for them. I understand the whys of it, even if I don’t agree with the hows and that’s someplace to meet. And I know this place has been heavier on you than… than maybe anyone else. Things that have happened to you, personal relationships that imploded, the influences, the urges… the games of this place. But you’ve survived it and you’re beating it because you’re still so full of love that you want to protect your friends. Take that, oppressors,” he finished softly.

[conning]

Malcolm tells Raylan he's not a shitheel, and Neal can't help it. He still feels a little snap of anger and jealousy.

Still he loosens his grip on his hair as Malcolm talks, sitting up enough to cross his arms across his knees. He can't look at them. He still can't manage to do that.

Take that, oppressors. A little huff of air that's not a laugh, not even amusement really. Does it count as beating it if he can't convince himself that these people wouldn't be able to live just fine without him? Don't leave us, we can't let you go, they've told him, they've shown him, so why can't he shake that feeling? He wants to. God, he wants to. He rests his forehead against his crossed arms. He wants to just lean against Malcolm, let the other man wrap him up, but--

You don't deserve it.

"I don't know how to not..." Hurt. He takes a deep breath, lets it out in an exhausted rush. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

[tinstar]

He was a shitheel. No matter what Malcolm said. No matter what trauma they were carrying. But the praise, however sharp, came with it's own truthful digs. The 'I wish I was his everything but I know I'm not'. The way Malcolm hesitates before forcing every bit if comfort that… that there is for them.

Raylan didn't think he'd be taking any more of that comfort. From anyone. He wasn't sure he could do it. But this wasn't about him. It didn't matter what he did or how he felt, he was still in the wrong. No room to complain.

He sipped his tea and wished like hell that it was moonshine.

It wasn't about if they could live with out him. They could. They could live without any of the others. That didn't mean they wanted to. Or that they wouldn't fight to keep what they had.

[abrightboy]

If Raylan went through all that only to abandon those comforts, Malcolm would go looking for him. Everything was in the open. Getting it there hurt. But they didn't go through the hard part to give up the good stuff. He thought Raylan was aware of how he felt about him. Everyone seemed to know how he felt about Raylan. He's been in love for months. There seemed no harm in saying so. Of course he wanted to be the only one. But he could live with this. The longer he digested it, the easier it sat.

"The same thing that's wrong with all of us," he said.

[conning]

"I'm sorry," he says softly, and finally, finally looks over at Raylan. "I'm sorry I got..." So angry. Is he though? Is he entirely sorry? "I'm sorry I told you to leave."

That much is true. He takes a deep, shaky breath, feeling wrung out in the wake of the fight and the ebbing of adrenaline. "I don't want you to leave."

[tinstar]

Raylan didn't look over for a long second but he swallowed hard and set his cup down on the dusty coffee table in front of them, hands lacing between his knees as his fingers worked together.

"Don't be sorry that you were angry. It makes sense but.." He looked over at Neal, serious but with a soft and sad patience. "Are you sure about that last part? I don't want you to be sayin' this just because we're in the middle of.. whatever this is. I want it to be because your okay seein' my face moving around town, or around the house."

I gave you my safe space. I gave you my door.

"I want us to be able to share a meal or have a coffee." He continued, adding before Neal could say anything. "And that doesn't mean tonight. I think we.. could all use another night or two."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm sat up a little, his eyes swinging to Raylan. Another day or two. That night was to be Raylan’s night. He didn’t say it, but the concern crossed his features before he could school them. He managed to bring his focus back to the issue.

He looked at Neal.

“What do you think?”

[conning]

"I'm sure," Neal whispers. He doesn't want Raylan out on his own. He doesn't want him on the other side of town if something goes wrong, no matter what he said to Malcolm about dealing with it if it happened. He would never forgive himself if something happened to Raylan and he was the reason the other man wasn't on Phillips. "I'm sure."

He almost manages a smile. "Besides, it's your night."

[tinstar]

He saw that wash of panic over Malcolm's face and responded by settling his closest hand on Malcolm's back, rubbing back and forth firmly. It's okay.

"I was gonna ask that Malcolm stay with me tonight, but if we can stay at home.." He wanted to stay at home. Home. The houses where he knew what the creaks and the sound of his roommates breaths sounded like. So many gentle alarms, helping keep him safe, just as he was for them.

"Thank you. For lettin' me come back. I wasn't gonna without your say so. You know why that is, right?"

[abrightboy]

Raylan’s hand is an enormous comfort and Malcolm wants to ask if Neal will be coming home, too, but he waits because Raylan’s question and the thaw between the two men are important.

[conning]

Home has never been the sacred space for Neal that it was for Raylan. When he was a kid, it was a place to be walked into by Marshals and social service workers when his mom didn't answer the door. Then it was a place to store necessities, nothing that mattered, because anything that mattered got hidden as a matter of course. Then it was nowhere, then it was prison, then it was June's, which is still in many ways a public space.

He watches Raylan's face, trying to figure it out instead of asking. It feels like he should know. It feels like a test, even though he knows on some level it's not. Raylan isn't that kind of person. He doesn't bait strings for Neal to reach for and miss.

Neal finally closes his eyes and shakes his head, just a little, an admission he's ashamed to make.

[tinstar]

Raylan's 'home' for years has been a single motel room, one that was frequently broken into, shot up or taken over by LEO's.. Usually from said shooting. But those issues weren't here and that allowed him to find a little more security under the rooves that he'd taken to as his own. They were safe, as safe as they could be considering where they all were.

The great Equalizer.

"Because you're part of my house. You're important and how you feel about it is too, no matter the reasons or nuances. Because I don't want to come home only to drive you off by bein' there. Bein' arrogant isn't worth that."

[abrightboy]

God, Malcolm is proud of Raylan’s capacity for understanding.

“Are you going to come home, too?” he asks Neal softly.

[conning]

A fresh well of tears makes the world go hazy.

It's going to hurt, Raylan walking into Malcolm's room and closing the door behind him. It's going to hurt, but not as badly as an empty house on the far side of town. It's going to hurt, but not as badly as walking away.

He nods this time, blinks a few times to clear his vision. "What about Negan? He's been... avoiding it. Because of..."

He's got a feeling Raylan knows what he means.

[tinstar]

"Yes," he assured Malcolm with a nod and another rub across his back, fingers tightening against him a little as Raylan's focused moved back to Neal.

"Negan?" He glanced between them. "What, because of that.. Because of what he did? You saw that?" The question was for both of them if the way his eyes danced back and forth between them were any suggestion.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm nodded. “And I talked to him this morning. He thinks he might not be welcome at the house. I think just about everyone saw it.”

[conning]

"I've been seeing that man since then," Neal reluctantly admits. "The one he killed. The one we saw him kill."

He gives Raylan a look he doesn't realize is pleading. "Negan needs to come home, too."

[tinstar]

The way he smiled.

Raylan glanced between them before looking down at the floor and swallowing before nodding. "Yeah. Okay. I can't promise anythin' but I can talk to him. I already told him that he can't pull that shit here. Not just on 1306 and 1308 but anywhere. We might have to kill or defend ourselves but.." Not all that.

"Where's he staying?"

[abrightboy]

Malcolm gave Raylan the address of the house he knew of. “But I think he’s been staying in more than one place,” he conceded. “If he’s not there, you can find him the way I found Neal this morning,” he suggested, giving Neal a knowing smile.

[conning]

Neal manages a little bit of a smile back.

"He might also be in the new houses," Neal adds. "The ones on the farthest edge of town. I was out there last night when I ran into him."

Or rather, when Negan ran in and stopped Neal from demolishing a living room. Details.

Which reminds him. He gives Raylan another shamed look. "He knows. I told him."

A pause, then for emphasis, "Everything we talked about."

Including Neal's own feelings.

[tinstar]

Raylan looked at Malcolm and nodded a little, brow furrowing. "How'd you find Neal this morning?"

The mention of Neal and the man himself talking drew Raylan's eyes over to those blues, half hoping to find the answer there. He knows. Everything we talked about. Raylan opened his mouth, head tilting back a little and closed it again, nodding.

He took a deep breath. "Give me a day or two to get my shit in order, and if he's not home, I'll hunt him down, see if I can't talk him into comin' back. I'll talk to Doc too. Get everyone on.. Somethin' of a similar page."

The same thing he'd been trying to do with Tim and Malcolm, which had turned out terribly. Maybe Neal and Malcolm were wrong to look at him like he could fix something. Maybe they were putting their hopes in someone that had lost their touch along the way. He hoped not.