villagelogs | 065-071 » assign to oblivion / part iii

065-071 » assign to oblivion / part iii

WHO: Everyone
WHERE: Mathias Township proper
WHEN: Days 065-071
WHAT: The residents of Mathias reunite under unnerving conditions.
WARNINGS: (PM this account to have a warning added!)
NOTES: Plotting post over here!

RECOMMENDED ♫ Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross "Outside"

DAY 065-071
ASSIGN TO OBLIVION
“No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes
place in the interim, there are some things we can never
assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away.”
— Haruki Murakami

Only two days have passed since the town was fractured, leaving residents cut off from those they'd come to know and even care for. A mere two days of wandering the new streets, uncovering more secrets that continue to make little sense of this strange place. Two days with sunrises, sunsets, and nights that seem like any other.

And yet.

When residents wake on this third day, they will find that much has changed. All around them, wherever they may be, there are signs that time has passed without them. Dust covers everything, indoors and out, even areas that were spotlessly clean seemingly hours ago. The residents themselves are covered as well, dust clinging to their hair, skin, and clothing—

Clothing that they may not have been wearing when they went to sleep. Each resident, regardless of the state they were in previously, is now clad in a pair of white pajamas, with long pants and button-up shirts. Those who thoroughly explored Baneberry Hall will easily recognize these articles as identical to those well-stocked in the decaying great house. On top of this, the clothes they wore from home have disappeared, along with anything else they may have brought with them when they arrived or items from home that have been found within the borders of Mathias.

There is no sign that anyone has entered their place of shelter, nor is there any sign of what may have been done with these items or how they came to be wearing these clothes. The dust all around them is undisturbed, almost as if they had been sleeping there for quite some time, though it seems impossible for such a thing to have occurred naturally.

THE NEW ARRIVALS
The newest arrivals to Mathias will wake up on the lawn of Town Hall, at the center of the little town square. They, too, are bereft of any items from home and clothed in the identical white pajamas. There are shops all around them, with houses just beyond, and at first glance, everything seems almost picturesque. Except for the silence that is at times so complete as to be maddening... Welcome to Mathias.

SUMMERTIME
— When summer arrives, so too does an outdoor stand in front of the General Store. Sporting a handpainted sign proclaiming Whateley Farm, the stand is overflowing with a variety of produce: berries, plums, carrots, cabbage, cucumbers, green beans, leeks, onions, peppers, potatoes, zucchini, tomatoes, and garlic bulbs. These do not replace the produce offerings normally found inside the market, but they do behave strangely. The stand replenishes sporadically, sometimes every other day or every five days. There is no discernible pattern to when it replenishes, nor is there any sign of how it came to be there at all.

— With the now-complete reverse change of season, much of the autumn debris has cleared from around town. Only a few stray leaves and fallen branches remain, their crisp colors at odds with the warm summer days. The forest has also cleared of much of the fall detritus, making it easier to both follow the paths and potentially spy things that might be out of the ordinary.

CONDITIONS UPDATE
— THE WEATHER Summer has arrived in Mathias, bringing with it warm days that average 70°F and comfortably cool nights. The skies are clear throughout the week save for Day 68 when a light rain falls from a grey sky throughout the day.

— THE FOG has maintained its new boundaries.
— Residents may now wander the southern stretch of the forest surrounding Mathias Township — it is possible to leave the paths but potentially unwise to do so.
— The fog has also retreated from the western section of town entirely.
— Access to the northern section of the forest is still blocked beginning a few dozen yards past the treeline; this section of fog will urge residents to stay huddled within the town proper by inducing a physical reaction of panic and fear.

— DISAPPEARANCES AND DEATHS continue! Max Guevara and Liz Brundy have disappeared, and now that everyone is back together, residents will notice that Yennefer, Number Five, and Tony Stark have also vanished.

— ALCOHOL supplies have run dry, save for any dregs that have been squirreled away by individual residents. Moonshine can still be acquired by those in desperate need.

OOC NOTES
— UPDATES Don't forget to report updates as they come up! Changes to locations (like toppling a few bookshelves in the library), big plots you have coming up that will affect the game (parties, major property destruction, etc), or exciting discoveries that may tie into the game's mythology (even the things provided by the mod) are very helpful to have in one place so relevant page updates can be made. IC events are also helpful to know about in advance so they can be included in the log write-ups.

— MOD STATUS My non-RP life is busy and chaotic and I continue to ask for your forgiveness and understanding as game things continue to be slower, as I cannot promise timely mod responses beyond weekends and even that is not wholly guaranteed.

— ITEMS FROM HOME All items from home that characters would normally possess have vanished for this log and will return in the next. This includes clothing and possessions they had when they arrived in Mathias, items that were found in the rain, and items that were found in Baneberry Hall and removed from the property. Items from home that were left behind by other characters no longer in the game have also vanished. (All other items and clothing still remain, it is only items from characters' homes that have disappeared.)

— BANEBERRY ITEMS The items from home that were not removed from Baneberry Hall in the last log have vanished from the property. These items will not reappear in the next log. (Please be sure to comment in the appropriate spot on those logs about the state of your character's item for inventory purposes, ie whether they were removed from the property or left behind.)

— ACTIVITY CHECK Beginning with June's AC (posted at the start of July), all tags that consist of only dialogue will count as 0.5 points, not just those that occur in an inbox thread — this applies to both AC and AP totals. This adjustment is an extension of what has been in place since the start of the game: that all dialogue-only inbox tags counted for a half-point. Since such tags have occurred regularly in log threads as well, the half-point status is simply being extended to all tags regardless of location in order to be fairer in point distribution. (Examples will be provided in the AC post to assist with proper counting.)

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"They're the wrong color."

He wants his blue scrubs back. He's in surgery, not... whatever these were used for and he tugs at the sleeves in disdain, wondering what Dr. Benton would say if he saw him in these.

But he sobers when Eliot continues. Some exploring. Some things left unsaid.

Yeah, sounds about right.

"Oh, you know, the usual. Found some things for the clinic, though. We were at this institution. They had old charts there, some equipment. Unless that's gonna disappear next."

He tries to make it sound light-hearted but it's getting to him. These random disappearances, they're just unsettling.

Wanting the weird pajamas to be a different color sounds sad to him, rather than someone obsessed about fashion. With all the crap they've been through here he can see why holding onto those scrubs he had was so important. He doesn't feel like teasing him anymore.

"Yeah, well. Maybe we'll find new ones."

Maybe he'll go look for some new ones for him.

"That's where I was hangin' out most of the time. Tried to make sense of the paperwork but it was all smudged and ruined. Same clothes were there, too."

He shakes his head.

"I can't believe it. We were in the same spot but we couldn't see each other."

He sure would appreciate it.

A lot.

"You were there? That makes no sense."

This is interesting now. He had thought the others had gone someplace else like last time but apparently not?

"Did you wake up all dusty, too?"

"It doesn't make any sense," he agrees and shakes his head. It makes his brain hurt to think about it. Hardison was better at understanding this weird sci-fi or fantasy crap.

"Yeah, like it's been months or years. But that's impossible, too."

But he's seen the impossible. Lived it. Died through it.

"Did you...uh," he pauses, unsure of how to say it. Or if he should say it, but he has to know. "Were there...ah, objects, in that place? Objects that held...well. Memories."

Carter slows when Eliot says memories, the bad ones returning viciously. Of course it makes sense that if they went to the same place that would be there, too. But still. Hearing it out loud is so weird.

Why is this town so weird.

"... Yeah."

He looks over, studying his face for a moment.

"You too, huh?"

There's a very long pause, where Eliot starts to say something and stops several times. Finally, he just kind of gives up. He's resigned to his fate that the stuff they're talking about is weirder than any dumb sci-fi movie he's ever watched and nothing he can do can change that.

Just objects that held memories. That was a thing.

"...yeah. Me too."

Why is this town so messed up.

"Did someone else see?"

He just assumes that's the case.

If he had to relive that memory by himself, he probably wouldn't bring it up in a conversation. Would just add it to the long, long, long list of things he's just dealing with.

But the sharing, the invasiveness of it all... that's something you'd want to get off your chest, he figures. At least that's how it is for him.

"Someone saw mine. That was... hard."

"Yeah."

He doesn't want to talk about this he doesn't want to talk about this he doesn't want to talk about this hedoesn'twanttotalkaboutthis--

But it just comes out anyway.

"I'm sorry."

He genuinely, truly is. If his was as bad or worse as his own, if they were as bad as the ones he saw--he's so sorry.

"I had a few people see mine. Even someone who was...who was in it."

"... Me too."

Carter's voice is quiet and gentle. He stuffs his hands in his pockets as they walk.

"Hardison?"

It's a wild guess that's... actually not that wild, knowing that they're from the same world. Not too many people in town who could be part of his memory, he figures.

Dammit. Eliot pauses in his step, almost tripping. Granted, that was a good guess considering who else could it be besides Parker, but still.

"Yeah, it was Hardison."

He's quiet for a good long while before he finally gathers up the nerve to continue.

"It was a real bad memory, too. I hurt him and he had to relive it from my point of view."

Edited 2021-06-30 20:04 (UTC)

"Oh."

Carter just lets it sit for a moment, thinking back on all the times he hurt someone and imagining them having to relive it. Having a stranger witness his had been hard enough. But a friend? Someone who was involved?

"Is he mad at you? Are you guys talking?"

He hopes that question is open enough, giving Eliot a chance to talk about the memory without feeling pressured while also checking in on the home front.

"No, it's not that. And yeah, we're talkin'. I just..."

How do you explain it without explaining it? He rubs his face for a moment, growing silent again.

With as many people as saw the memory, there's no point in keeping it a secret. But God, he doesn't want to lose Carter's trust either, but word will get out. Maybe it's better coming from him.

"I'm not a good person," Eliot starts, not looking at him. "I started out in the Army wantin' to...change the world. Be somebody, make a difference. But things started gettin' muddy. Things that were bad didn't seem so bad anymore. By the time I got out the service I was...lost. I guess that's the best way to put it. I'd been doin' jobs that were way over the line and I got good at it."

You see what he's gettin' at here? Eliot trails off before continuing.

"I did a lot of contract jobs. Got my hands dirty. Or well, dirtier. And then I met a man and worked for him for a long time." He shakes his head. "I did terrible things for him and finally I couldn't take it anymore so I left. I eventually met Hardison, and Parker, and--and other people and I made a different life for myself. Helpin' people instead of hurtin' 'em. But we had a job, got blackmailed, really, and the man I worked for? We crossed paths again. Had to meet him to get to what we needed from him, we were tryin' to bring him down but I..."

It takes him a moment to sort through the feelings to get to the words. He shouldn't be telling Carter this but Carter is listening and maybe that's what he needs, someone to just listen.

"...I had to bring Hardison. I wish I didn't have to bring Hardison." Couldn't allow himself to be left alone with Moreau.

"He got handcuffed to a chair and kicked in this pool and almost drowned while he was testin' me, my loyalty, to see if Hardison meant anythin' to me. And I didn't tell Hardison a damn thing about what we were walkin' into that day. He survived, but he was--"

He was so scared.

Eliot sighs.

"...he had to see all that again with my memory."

Apparently that question was open enough.

Carter didn't quite expect... all that and it's almost too sudden, too much, too intimate. Almost like he's holding whatever object held that memory, too, and he had to catch glimpses of it. But it's not unlike all the stories he came across in the ER with its tragedies and heartbreaks and violence.

He doesn't interrupt, just listens like he would with a patient, trying to accept the parts he doesn't quite understand and roll with the craziness of that tale.

He doesn't know anything about the man Eliot is talking about or the bad things he did. What he hears is I'm not a good person. What he hears is With my memory.

"So what did he feel when he was you?"

He needs to stop, he needs to just stop but he doesn't.

"I guess...how scared I was." He ain't afraid to admit that. "I was damn terrified that I was gonna lose him, or that I would fail and he'd end up killed and I'd end up killed and it would be all my fault."

But there's something else, too. He can't say it, he just can't say it, but he's already come this far and he's not sure he can say it again, out loud. Making it real, making it known. It's a long time before he speaks again.

"But he saw how I...saw the man that did that to him. The man that tried to kill him. I hated him but it wasn't always hate. We didn't part on bad terms. I..."

Probably would have gone back to him if it wasn't for the team coming into his life.

"I wanted to stay away from him. I wouldn't have gone after him, we should have never taken the job but it was blackmail..." There's the faint sound of gritted teeth. "I never wanted Hardison or anyone to see how much I..."

Missed Damien. The good parts, not the bad. Not the killing but the laughter, the kindness reserved only for him, his stupid teasing, the easy charisma that made it so simple to do terrible things for him. How much he cared for him, how much he would do anything for him. How terrible the things he did for him.

"...I don't want them to know the man who I used to be."

It's a terrible story. Almost a confession. Brutal and terrifying and infuriating, especially since he knows and likes Hardison. The idea of him almost dying like that is... awful.

But he doesn't say anything, quietly pondering the words. Carter knows this part well, of being the one to listen, a safe haven, someone who isn't directly involved, who isn't a threat to the everyday life. Patients have done it before, confessing to him, talking about their mistakes, their regrets.

Carter isn't a killer but some things still resonate with him. Past mistakes. Regrets. He knows a thing or two about those.

And maybe he knows some things about hiding, too.

That fear of people never seeing you in the same light again once they knew. Who you were, where you came from.

"What do you think would happen then?"

What are you afraid of?

What is he afraid of?

That they would leave me.

That they would see the monster I truly am.

"I..."

Eliot trails off, it's too much, it's so much to say, he can't believe he's spilled this much already.

He finally found a family again and he'd lose them.

And he'd deserve it.

"Everything."

It's a stupid answer. He's not even sure what it means.

"And they'd be right to leave."

"Leave."

Carter puffs his cheek, bouncing on his heels as he mulls over that.

"Yeah, I guess. If my friend let some old pal push me in a pool? Dragged me out there without warning? Almost letting me drown? I'm sorry, I'd be out, definitely. If that's not a reason for leaving, I don't know what is."

There's a pause and he purses his lips and his shoulders come up, then drop before he glances over.

"But they didn't, did they."

Which Carter can't begin to understand. He's had friends with questionable choices but murder has never been among them and he can't in all honesty say that it wouldn't be a massive dealbreaker to him. He sees violence every day in the ER but he's never accepted it as part of his life.

"Shouldn't you be more concerned with what happened to them than what you did in the past? You did something awful to them and yet they're still here. Wanting to stick around. Getting pretty upset when you die, let me tell you."

His arms rise, fall.

"I mean, what else do you need?"

There's a long, long pause.

But they didn't, did they.

Eliot scowls, because Carter is right. They didn't. Shouldn't you be more concerned with what happened to them than what you did in the past? You did something awful to them and yet they're still here. Wanting to stick around. Getting pretty upset when you die, let me tell you.

That...

...he thinks about what Hardison must have went through and there's a pang in his chest that feels like someone's socked him right in the heart.

"I..."

What else does he need?

"I don't..."

It takes him awhile to find the right words.

"I don't have people. I mean...before them. I'm not...used to this." His voice is a little softer, a little more vulnerable, and he hates it but it's happening. He had Damien before but it wasn't the same as this.

"It was just me for a long time. I never expected anyone to know...who I was and stick around." Another beat. "Or at least, anyone who had any measure of good in them. Like them."

"But they did."

Carter nods slowly, thinking he gets where this is going.

"That's gotta be scary. Someone who can see you differently than you can see yourself."

But they did.

And he can admit it was terrifying. The fact that they can see him as something else, something more, something more than the bad guy that he knew he was. It feels like he shouldn't be able to have this, that it's not possible to have this.

But they're here. All the same, they're here.

"I don't know how they do it," he admits. "I don't know how they can see that. Especially after that." The pool. Damien. "They have every right to walk away, every reason to, but they don't."

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065-071 » assign to oblivion / part iii

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