villagelogs | 062 » that moment of experience / part i

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062 » that moment of experience / part i

WHO: Everyone.
WHERE: Eastern/Central/Southern/Western Mathias
WHEN: Day 062
WHAT: A storm rains destruction upon the town.
WARNINGS: (PM this account to have a warning added!)
NOTES: Plotting post over here! Part II details are below.

RECOMMENDED ♫ Deadly Avenger "Creeper"

DAY 062
THAT MOMENT OF EXPERIENCE
“A story has no beginning or end: arbitrarily one
chooses that moment of experience from which to
look back or from which to look ahead.”
— Graham Greene
The day begins like any other might. The clouds occasionally part to give glimpses of the sun, offering a bit of hope that the hours might pass without incident. It is a hope that is soon dashed, however, for midday brings with it a suddenly darkening sky. Those near the beach will be able to see the ocean churning as all light seems to be bled from the day, the sky darkening into a purplish-black more quickly than is natural, the process taking a mere ten minutes from start to finish.

And then it begins.

The rain is so heavy and pouring so fast that the ground cannot take it all in, sending rivers down streets and leaving lawns as lakes. The winds blow in gusts so strong that they could knock someone over, and the lightning that arcs brightly through the sky is immediately followed by thunder that shakes the town to its core, the tremors almost reminiscent of the earthquakes that plagued the town only days ago.

For some, the storm will be another nuisance of mother nature, forcing them to remain wherever they were before its sudden approach. But for others, it will be far more than that, for this storm is seeking revenge on those who sought to destroy the town. Destruction will rain down and it will not stop until its vengeance is satisfied.

THE NEW ARRIVALS
The newest arrivals to Mathias will wake up on the beach near The Grey Gull. It's a bit chilly out with their wet clothes, but surely there's something to help warm them inside the restaurant. If nothing else, the cowboys' homemade moonshine should do the trick.

ABOUT THE STORM
The storm will begin at midday and last until late into the night, only calming in the early hours of the morning. The heavy rain will flood the streets, though it will not be enough to flood the buildings themselves (except as noted below), and the winds and thunder will shake the town with such strength that it will almost seem as if the town is trying to tear itself apart.

But this is not a simple storm. For those residents who took part in any way in the destruction of the Town Hall, History Museum, or Stoker Park house, they will find the storm will destroy their shelter in some fashion. This can include broken windows, caved-in roofs, flooding from the rain, or even lightning striking the building. The details are up to player choice but something will be damaged by the storm.

— All damage to buildings will be repaired by the dawn of the following day as if it never happened at all. There is no way to witness this process taking place.
— If a resident is sheltering in a shared living space with others who did not take part in the destruction of the town, you may choose to have only your character's section of that location damaged. However...
— The storm's focus will follow the resident if they move to another area or location, meaning that the new location will also suffer damage in some way.
— Only those who took part in the town destruction in some way will be targeted by the storm, but innocent bystanders can be caught up in the situation as well.

CONDITIONS UPDATE

— THE WEATHER conditions remain fairly typical for early fall: warm days and cool nights. It feels almost like spring arriving except that there fewer red and orange leaves on the ground and more of them oddly returning to the trees and slowly fading to green. It's like watching one of those nature documentaries that have a timelapse of the seasons, only it's going in reverse.

— THE FOG has retreated from some areas!
— Residents may now wander the southern stretch of the forest surrounding Mathias Township — it is possible to leave the paths but potentially unwise to do so.
— The fog has also retreated farther into the western section of town, now stretching across town between Stine Road and Shelley Drive. This has revealed the Chasm in the earth that stretches from one side of town to the other between Stine and Hill Lane.
— Access to the northern section of the forest is still blocked beginning a few dozen yards past the treeline; this section of fog will urge residents to stay huddled within the town proper by inducing a physical reaction of panic and fear.

— DISAPPEARANCES continue! Ellie has vanished while others have returned.

— ALCOHOL supplies have run dry, save for any dregs that have been squirreled away by individual residents. Moonshine can still be acquired by those in desperate need.

OOC NOTES

— NEW MAP Thanks so much to Scy for this amazing new map of Mathias!

— PROJECT HELP Your mod needs help with some projects!

— PART II The next part of the log series will be have characters divided up (by OOC choice, not IC) into groups, so be sure to sign up for one asap. Anyone who doesn't make the deadline will be automatically assigned to an available spot.

— UPDATES Don't forget to report updates as they come up! Changes to locations (like toppling a few bookshelves in the library), big plots you have coming up that will affect the game (parties, major property destruction, etc), or exciting discoveries that may tie into the game's mythology (even the things provided by the mod) are very helpful to have in one place so relevant page updates can be made. IC events are also helpful to know about in advance so they can be included in the log write-ups.

— MOD STATUS The usual reminder that it's just Amy steering this ship, so things will are going to be pretty slow for a while. Apologies in advance, and please don't feel shy about pestering me if you're stuck waiting for something. (All outstanding matters will be taken care of in the next few days!)

navigation | faq | locations | report updates

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He catches it. The way Malcolm looks down. Neal shifts to press a kiss to Malcolm's temple. "Sorry," he says softly. "I think Negan is rubbing off on me."

That's also a joke, but hopefully a safer one. He takes a deep breath. "Sometimes it is. Most of the time it is."

Neal shakes his head. "Then every once in a while I'll forget, for a moment. Get distracted somehow. I'll get caught up in something that's almost... normal, and until I remember where we are it's like nothing ever happened."

A pause. "The remembering is the worst part."

Neal knows that Malcolm knows he has nightmares. He's found Malcolm in his own bed more than once, comforting him after his own, smaller bout of screaming in the wee hours, after the smaller man has wrestled himself free of his demons for another night. Or at least gone from the company of dream-demons to hallucinatory ones.

"I was relieved. When Doc told me Daisy forgot everything. Just for a second, just for a second, but..." He bites his lip. "I don't know what that says about me."

Edited 2021-06-08 01:40 (UTC)

"I have bad news," Malcolm says grimly. "It says that you're a human with totally normal emotions." He presses his lips together and gives Neal a look. "I hate to be the one to break it to you."

Neal makes a noise that isn't really a laugh. It feels like there's something heavy pushing down on him internally, like a fist that's reached through his skin to force his heart lower inside him.

"Is it normal that I don't want to see her? I feel like I should want to see her, help her get used to things again, do something. If Bucky didn't throw me through a window for approaching."

He's mostly, mostly exaggerating with that last part. "I..."

It's his turn to focus on the floor. "I want to be the kind of person who would want to see her."

"You're a good person, Neal. She hurt you. She has the luxury of not remembering that but you don't," he points out.

Neal looks at Malcolm in surprise. He hadn't thought of it that way. He'd been focused on her side of it, her struggle, her loneliness. And isn't that was dragged him under in the first place? Focusing so much on what she needed that he forgot what he did.

He stays quiet for a little while, listening to the storm, listening to the water spattering down through the ceiling.

"I wanted to help her. From the day we met in the Gull, when she told me about her powers, what was wrong, when the earthquakes kept hurting her. I just... kept wanting to help her. Every time I made her happy, it was like being here was worth it for a little while."

Another silence, though he's not done sorting his way through his thoughts, not yet. Malcolm knows him well enough by now to know when he's trying to figure out how to put something.

"I was never going to be able to do it," he finally says, very quietly. "She's in too deep. She's in so deep that every time someone around her gets hurt, she makes it... hers. The pain of it. Someone else's... trauma, someone else's pain, it's just another way to be disappointed in herself and them." A pause. "Me. Disappointed in me. Every time I did something reckless, every time I got hurt, she acted like I was doing it to make her suffer. There were times, definitely, where she was there for me. In that other Mathias, the first time I died. When I came back, after I... disappeared."

He shakes his head. "But that night, after we went to the library... And when she found out I got caught in the fire in that other place. When I kept wanting to go places that I knew were dangerous, when I couldn't stop myself, and I felt like I was going crazy... When I drowned."

Another silence. "I was stupid," he says softly. "The last time I died, I was stupid. But nothing I did was because I wanted to hurt her. The longer I was with her the more I felt guilty for every bad thing I went through."

He half-smiles in Malcolm's direction. "You questioned it, right at the beginning, me and her, then her and Bucky. I guess I should have listened to the profiler."

“I questioned things I saw you going through and dismissing,” Malcolm tells him softly. “But love doesn’t heed early warning systems. People have warned me about falling so hard for Raylan. It doesn’t make me want to stop.”

Love, Malcolm says and Neal smiles down at his lap. "Under love’s heavy burden do I sink."

He figures Romeo and Juliet is an appropriate enough play to quote. Given the circumstances.

"It bothers you, though," Neal points out, voice just as quiet. "You talk about how... you'd be his only one, if he can take you home. But here, now, with him seeing Doc too, it bothers you."

Malcolm shrugs a shoulder.

“Anyone would prefer to be… special. But it’s not as bad as it could be. It doesn’t feel like a competition. What Doc wants from that… arrangement fits into a very narrow category and I know that because I can talk to him about it. I do talk to him about it.” He looks at Neal. “Doc would never hurt me. …He …He told me not to even accept this arrangement. But. I didn’t want to be the one he didn’t choose if he couldn’t have both. So. I thought… I’ll give it a try. And it hasn’t been that bad. Doc’s safe. It’s okay,” he assures Neal. Or himself. “Raylan does love me,” he promises.

Not as bad as it could be. That sticks like a thorn in his heart.

"I believe he loves you," Neal says. "I know he does."

He's not going to argue that point.

"You two have a lot in common in the way that you care about people." In the way they don't always get that care back. Neal goes quiet again.

"Why did Doc tell you to say no?"

Malcolm presses his lips together, his fingers fidgeting idly against his thigh.

“Because he loves me, too. And he thinks I’m going to get hurt.”

Neal shifts his arm from around Malcolm's shoulders to take one of his hands and still it, instead. "What do you think?"

“Any time you put yourself in someone’s hands - any time you trust - is a chance to get hurt. I understand that he’s trying to… figure some things out about himself. He’s never had a safe place to examine things. He’s never had a safe place. I think I’m willing to take that chance with myself to be that safe place for him,” Malcolm explains, mostly to his own knees, before looking at Neal for the last sentence.

Neal kisses Malcolm's forehead, but doesn't say anything. Not right away. It's such a weighty word, trust.

"I never trusted anyone before this place," he admits. "Just Peter. Not even Mozzie. Peter was the only one with... goals I understood. Motives that were clear and honest. Even when he was chasing me, I trusted him."

He's never put it so bluntly before. Even to Malcolm. It's context--greater context--for that moment Neal lived through, he knows that, but... well. Safe spaces.

"What's yours?" He tilts his head, trying to catch Malcolm's eyes so he won't look away. "Your safe space."

Malcolm looks almost cautiously around the room.

“I guess this is it,” he admits. “1306. I trust everyone who lives in this house. I’ve never trusted this many people,” he confesses.

He looks at Neal again.

“Is that why it ruined everything, the memory of Peter calling you a criminal?” he asks. He still remembers, vividly, the devastation on Neal’s face that day.

Ruined everything. "No--that's..."

A silence. "I knew, when I got taken, that he hadn't made up his mind about what he'd say at the commutation. I knew that. He hadn't even decided whether or not to close the file on the Keller case, even though Keller tied things off in a neat little bow for him."

Neal lets go of Malcolm's hand to rub his face. "I guess I just... hoped. He wasn't wrong though--he wasn't." Neal holds up a hand when he emphasizes that last part, trying to preempt Malcolm's argument. "Until I'm released, I am a criminal. Maybe it's not... who I am. But it is what I am. Peter... Justice is important to him. If he thinks I haven't earned my way out, then."

Neal lifts his shoulders in a long shrug.

Malcolm's eyebrows go up.

"Earned your way out? How many of his cases have you closed?" he asks. He holds up a finger. "In which you were the lynchpin to solving it."

"How many times have I lied to him, or gone behind his back to get my way, or... I put him at risk, his reputation at risk, his wife at risk--just because I couldn't let go of the keys to the kingdom when it came to the art from the U-boat."

He settles his arm along the back of the couch, staring into space. "Is he supposed to reward me for doing those things? It's not about the number of cases. It's about the time served."

He's been thinking about this, all of it, ever since that memory. Trying to work it out for himself. Trying to understand it from Peter's point of view. "He didn't put me back in prison for my part in stealing that treasure. He could have. That says something, right there."

Malcolm watches his face as he talks.

"What does it say? Why was that so generous? Have you never done anything for him?"

"Yes, but..."

Neal looks down, finding a damp spot on the floor to focus on. "He's not the one who broke the law. And it says he doesn't think that's all I am, or all I can be. It's him giving me a chance. Another chance."

"It's him putting you in his pocket and if he thinks you haven't earned your freedom, it's because he doesn't want to give up his solve rate, Neal," Malcolm told him. He took a breath. "I know I don't know him, but it's not like you were in prison for killing someone. You stole trinkets from rich people. How much penance do you think you should have to pay for that?"

"Hey now, I stole very well-protected trinkets. Occasional masterpieces and antiquities. Don't minimize."

Neal keeps his tone breezy, hoping--knowing it won't work--that Malcolm will let it go at the joke.

"From people who could afford it," Malcolm reminds him. "You've never really hurt anyone. You're paying a steep penance for it."

He shifts on the couch again, resting his hands against his thighs and scrubbing at his jeans with both palms. Damp, like everything else right now.

"It's not about the solve rate," he insists quietly. "It isn't. He said it in that memory. He doesn't want me to go back in. He wants to... to make sure I learn from this."

He glances down at his ankle. He's gotten used to it being bare.

And he has learned. He has, hasn't he? The choice to stay in New York, to give up the treasure, even to turn himself in before Keller made it unnecessary. He has learned. He wants a life. A real life. Though what Mozzie would think about him phrasing it that way, Neal doesn't want to know.

He braces his elbows on his knees and leans forward, rubbing his face again. "There has to be a reason. I have to... I must have done something."

An aggravated little noise. "I just wish I knew what."

"What if you didn't, though? What does he want you to learn from suffering?" Malcolm asks. "It seems to me," he adds, canting his head slightly, "that you've already learned everything that suffering has to teach you."

Neal gives Malcolm an uncertain look. He'd been so sure, or let himself be sure, that he'd figured things out. That he knew why Peter had done it, that it was understandable and right, if disappointing.

"He... Maybe it was outside of his control. Maybe he was just making the best of a bad situation."

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