villagelogs | 037-040 » the reason for time

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037-040 » the reason for time

WHO: Everyone.
WHERE: Eastern/Central Mathias
WHEN: Day 037-040
WHAT: The dead return and the living wake to changes within Mathias Township.
WARNINGS: Some explicit sexual content in threads. (PM this account to have a warning added!)
NOTES: Plotting post over here!

RECOMMENDED ♫ Kammarheit "Sleep after Toyle, Port after Stormie Seas"

DAY 037
THE DEAD RETURN
“The only reason for time is so that everything
doesn't happen at once.” —Albert Einstein
The dead return to Mathias forever changed by their experiences. Waking along the beach, near the tree line, or among the graves, they will find that their bodies are not as they remember them. They are whole again and not torn to shreds by the shadow creatures that cannot be described, but they are also not as they were before the Hunt. These residents will find, so strangely, that their bodies are in the physical state in which they first arrived in Mathias — any injuries or recovery they have made since their initial arrival no longer exists, as if their time in Mathias has simply been a horrible nightmare. Except they all now carry a last reminder of the Hunt with them: spiderweb-thin healed scars marking their injuries from the Hunt. Those who were injured by fire in the other realm also carry those burns with them.

The dead are not the only things that have returned to Mathias. Inexplicably, fall is back, with the temperature finally reaching above freezing and snow falling from trees to reveal beautiful autumnal colors. As the sun rises higher in the lightly cloudy sky and the day warms, the snow begins rapidly melting, puddles growing in the slowly revealed grass and little rivers forming in the streets. And with that snow comes the frozen blood from the deaths to the Hunt, tinting the street river on Phillips Drive a sickening shade of red.

Another oddity that residents will notice: houses with broken windows from the encounter with the fog on Day 015 have now been completely repaired, though any boards put in place are still there somehow. A small bit of good news, at least? And truly, how kind of Mathias to clean up its own mess.

Finally, alcohol is back. Enjoy in moderation, friends, for more will not be arriving the following morning.

THE NEW ARRIVALS
The newest arrivals to Mathias will wake up on the beach near The Grey Gull. It's quite chilly out with their wet clothes, but surely there's something to help warm them inside the restaurant. Indeed, their timing is perfect, for alcohol has finally returned to Mathias Township — and not just the cowboys' homemade moonshine.

DAY 038-039
THE CHANGE OF SEASON
The continued warm weather proves that the unseasonable shift of the previous day was not merely a fluke. Once again, the sun rises and brings with it a temperature that feels almost spring-like, save for the fact that each day there seem to be more and more leaves on the trees in hues of red and orange. For those who have been in Mathias for some time, this new type of weird may be almost normal at this point, but newer arrivals will likely find it quite odd.

The gently trickling river running along Phillips Drive is still somewhat pink in color as the snow continues to melt and refreeze each night. By Day 040, the bloody snow will finally be gone completely, though the relief will be... short-lived.

DAY 040
THE BLINDING WHITE
In the late morning of Day 040, when the sun is visible through patchy greyish clouds, the fog sweeps into town like a like a tidal wave. It moves in quickly and without warning, not from the waterfront but the forest, cascading through every street in a thick wave of white. Rather than a soft blanket enveloping the town, it is a heavy weight pressing down, blotting out the sky in a way that almost feels suffocating, for none can see further than their outstretch hand.

Those outside when it rolls in are left wandering blind, stumbling toward shelter as you're unable to even see your feet beneath you, let alone any obstacles in your path. Perhaps you call out for help, hoping for another voice to guide you toward shelter or simply another living soul. Or perhaps you were lucky enough to already be inside when the fog descended, quickly closing doors and windows to keep it from creeping in.

Unlike the last time the fog swept into the town, residents who encounter it are not immediately killed. Instead, they are simply disoriented, possibly losing their sense of time and place, and it is only after prolonged exposure that they will begin to feel off. A sense of being ill will cling to them if they are in the fog for too long, including dizziness, lightheadedness, or nausea — the time it takes to manifest varies from person to person, as does the duration it will last after leaving the fog.

By nightfall, the fog still has not dissipated.

CONDITIONS UPDATE

— THE WEATHER conditions are fairly typical for late fall: chilly "sweater weather" days and nights that can dip just below freezing. You don't want to be outside without a coat, but it won't kill anyone if they bundle up. Probably.

— THE FOG remains blocking the paths in the forest beginning a few dozen yards past the treeline, urging residents to stay huddled within the town proper, and it also now blocks the western section of town, beginning just past Hill Lane, before where residents know the chasm in the earth to be between Hill and Stine Road. Venturing into the fog blocking these areas is ill-advised.

— DISAPPEARANCES continue. Castiel and Sam Winchester have vanished, and Dean Winchester has not returned with the others after his death during the Hunt.

— THE GRAVEYARD has now seen around a dozen burials, both below and above ground. With the weather warming, though, something may need to be done about the handful of temporary graves aboveground...

— ALCOHOL has returned to Mathias! A small stock of beer and cheap wine may be found at the General Store, and some homes may have a small store of alcohol in the fridge or pantry. The Grey Gull has also been restocked with its lower-end offerings of a variety of alcohol types. Alcohol does not replenish in the same way as food.

— THE GREY GULL has been cleaned up and stocked with moonshine. Along with the newly restocked usual offerings, the place almost seems like an actual bar again.

— THE GENERAL STORE is in a bit of a state following the brutal slaughter of two residents during the Hunt. Cleanup on aisle 3, anyone?

OOC NOTES

— FOOD is now being mysteriously restocked as per usual, including inside homes and at the General Store. Alcohol is not being restocked. Use those rationing skills, friends.

— REWARD REDEPEMPTION is back and will soon have a new option for anyone looking to spend big AP and learn a bit more of the lore of the town.

— MADNESSES due to the Hunt have been earned by Klaus Hargreeves, Ellie, and Malcolm Bright and may now be claimed. Players may also claim additional sanity loss from the aftermath of the Hunt; only losses from the Hunt itself have been deducted from totals thus far.

— SANITY REGAIN is now available! Players will submit a form with some details of the progress their character has made and the mod will review and decide on the numbers of points that will be regained.

— MOD STATUS The usual reminder that it's mostly just Amy steering this ship for now, so things will probably be pretty slow for a while. Apologies in advance, and please don't feel shy about pinging me if you're stuck waiting for something.

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There was a long moment between her question and his answer, hazel eyes searching her face. How much of that night had she suffered? He didn't doubt that Ellie had at the very least heard one of their number, collectively, go. Had she seen their bodies? Helped bury them? He knew exactly what that was like. Claire's face still haunted him sometimes. Too many questions and no way to ask them.

Eventually, Raylan just looked down at his glass and lifted it with a small waggle as though that was enough to answer the question.

"You drink?" It wasn't healthy and it wasn't the best way to cope and he knew that. But it was the easiest way to numb the edges of a still sort of reeling mind. "Get a glass, take a seat."

He'd take the company, if she was offering it.

He doesn't actually answer her question but that's certainly answer enough. He wouldn't be here drinking if he was doing peachy, after all. Death in Mathias, whether permanent or not, touches all of them and hurts all of them, even the ones who weren't burying bloody bodies in the snow.

Her eyebrows go up at his question, though. Usually everyone treats her like a kid.

"Uh...yeah, sometimes. A little," she answers. She really isn't much of a drinker, but she could share one with him here. Yeah, it's bad coping. Whatever. Who gives a shit. They might all die again.

She finds a glass and sits across from him, sliding the glass closer so he can pour.

"That bad, huh?"

Raylan treated Five much the same way. Who was he to tell them they couldn't have a drink in this godforsaken place? Besides, historically, humans had been feeding liquor to their youth for years with minimal negative result. After what they'd all seen and suffered, fuck it.

At the slide of the glass, he poured her a fingers worth of moonshine, figuring two might knock the small woman on her ass and there was still daylight left to use. Not that he would be against pouring her more, if she decided she wanted it. His was topped back off to two, and he lifted it at her in a cheer's before taking a drink, teeth barring as he lifted and dropped his eyebrows in a 'whaddya gonna do about it' kind of expression.

"I always knew I was gonna die. Car accident, bad luck, catchin' a bullet in the wrong place, wrong time.." His lips curled down in a facial shrug. Those were acceptable ways to go. "But Mathis decided that no one's goin' down that way.. and when we do, we're still not done.."

His jaw tightened, what Malcolm readily identified as 'liver chewing', as he stared into his glass, only daring a glance up at Ellie as he continued, too painfully aware of the scars now lacing across his face. "Some of us died twice that night. So yeah... That bad." To say the least.

"Though I know bein' on this side of it was no walk in the park."

Ellie's tolerance isn't nothing, but she also doesn't eat regularly, which makes it lower. Still, it's not like they have anywhere to fucking be so she's not worried.

"Wait a second," she says, watching him, considering his words. Some of us died twice. What the fuck does that mean?

"How can you die twice?" she asks. She has no experience with this weird supernatural shit. She's pretty sure Raylan doesn't either. But she didn't die, which is maybe the better option and maybe not depending on too many factors to easily calculate it.

"I mean, not knowing how many of us were left wasn't exactly my fave." She can't tell him about Malcolm wearing his fucking hat or about hearing Daisy scream until she didn't or the extra panic she felt when she thought it would be Doc or Malcolm, who she knows a little better than the other guys, or how she couldn't go home in case it was Yen, too. How she and Five teleported torn up bodies through the snow. He doesn't need to know any of it, but some of it is inevitable or obvious. She's sure he heard some shit from Doc anyway. Doc had been more of a mess than she'd seen him. Pretty much everyone had.

"And you never know who's not gonna come back, right? Fucking someone always stays gone for good."

His expression didn't pinch, but something in his eyes was suddenly ashamed, even as pointed into his glass as it was. Raylan let her finish before trying to answer anything - the space to get it all out was important. For both of them.

A beat passed as he thought about all the bodies they'd found. Now, all the bodies he could be counted among. That was a new category and he was uncomfortable in it's fit.

"Dean's gone. John's gone. I can't find a rhyme or reason to it. Why me. Why Neal and Negan." Why not John and Jill and Quentin, the latter of which he didn't know had vanished yet again. He took and let out a breath with a little shake of his head.

"When we.. died-" He hadn't managed to say it out loud more than a few times, but there was no sense in hiding it in the context he was providing. "We didn't. No dark nothingness.. Just more Mathis. Woke up where we died, whole and in world of red. There for six or seven hours, best I can guess.. Found the Lodge," he offered with a passing lift of his eyebrows, like it could make everything a little better. "But a storm came. Lighting storm. Struck the town, set it on fire.." His brows pinched this time, lips turning down in dismissal or disgust - they were interchangeable at this point. "Tried to run to the beach.. I. . Got caught by the flame. Neal came back to try to help save me and.. died himself.. It wasn't natural," he then insisted with an almost defensive kind of underlying helplessness in his tone as his dark eyes suddenly came up to meet hers.

"It wasn't just fire. It was... Fuckin' Mathis. Alive."

She knew about John, but not Dean. That one hurts, because she liked him quite a bit. He was fun. He liked music. But he was tough, too. Fuck. Fuck.

She just stares into her glass for a minute and lets Raylan talk.

"What the fuck," she says out loud, softly. How can dead people experience whatever that is? She doesn't believe in an afterlife at all anyway. She can't explain what happens in Mathias any more than anyone else can. And this is even weirder. She's pretty sure the other deaths, they've just been...well, maybe nothingness? Certainly not some even fucking weirder version of Mathias.

The fire comment seems like the least weird thing in this whole fucking nightmare.

"God. I...what do you even say? This is all just chance, you know? I...I only got inside because Daisy pushed me. The door closed. I couldn't get it back open and she..."

She trails off. He already knows.

"I had only met her that same day. Fuck this whole town, man."

She drinks about half of what's in her glass. She turns over what he'd said in her head for a minute and looks back up.

"Wait, did you say the Lodge? What's that? Where is that?"

"Shit, her too?" No, he hadn't heard. He shook his head, lips almost vanishing with the tightness of his face and jaw. "Another third of the town, wasn't it? I haven't.. gotten a body count yet. I will in a few days."

Once he's better sorted in his head, somehow.

"Before the lighting storm that started the fire, I walked around. The Fog wasn't there to stop me. I followed that.. that damned chasm north. About a twenty five minute walk, but then there it is.. You seen any of those pictures around of the townspeople in front of that big grand lookin'.. Hall or house? That's what they called it. 'The Lodge'. I found a set in 1306, in the Master closet. It's also the place that some of us, myself included got stuck when Mathis decided to kidnap us all again."

He emptied his glass and poured himself another few fingers.

"I think this place is farmin' us for fear and trauma. If I haven't already told you." There was a lot he didn't say. No one asked, so he didn't offer much up unless he thought it was relevant.

"I don't know. Yeah. It seemed like a lot," she answers, still not really looking up. That business with Five having to bury his brother wasn't great. Seeing Doc a mess wasn't great. None of this is okay, but what can you even do? All Ellie can do is keep moving forward, whatever that looks like here.

"No, I guess I haven't paid attention to shit like those pictures," she says. That's her one-track revenge mind, probably. She doesn't care as much about who these people were so much as if they can get untrapped by learning about the ones that came before. But she's not much for investigation on her own, either.

"You haven't told me. But...what do you mean, farming us?" she asks, finally looking back at Raylan.

Moving forward was the only option. It was like crossing a desert. If you stopped walking, you died. Mathis might go either way with making that general metaphor a physical or mental manifestation to torment them some more. Raylan's version of it just included moonshine and some cracks in his otherwise impenetrable walls.

"Next time you're by the house, say somethin' and I can get'em out for you. So you at least know what it looks like." Just in case. He was big on 'Just in cases'.

Raylan took a deep breath, cup turning between his fingers idly. "Best I can figure, this place is magic, right? Snatching us away, the rain, the fog, the gap, the kidnap into another place, the death and resurrections.. We're kept in a constant state of stress. Fear, anger, the fight or flight reaction. What else for, but its pleasure, hunger, or profit? The mages can't figure out anything but that maybe we're dealin' with some 'lower deiety'," he said, one hand gesturing the quotes around it - he didn't quite believe that. There were still some reality walls to break down. "Malcolm thinks we're in a contained, controlled space. You and I have touched on that before. I don't, only because of all the... all the fuckin' weirdness. It all only reinforces that theory of mine.

We're not allowed to be or keep happiness here. That dissipates those otherwise endless wells of emotion."

He didn't like detailing it out, but that's where he was with it all. Maybe she'd have something to disprove it. Part of him hoped she did.

"Yeah, okay. I mean...does this Lodge place exist here, or just in some even fucking weirder Mathias?" Since he said he only found this while he was dead, which she definitely has not fully come to terms with. She'll think about it later because there's only so much absolutely bonkers shit one person can handle in a short period of time.

She shifts and sits back in her seat a little, both hands wrapped around her glass so she doesn't fidget too much. "God, I fucking hate the concept of magic," she says. She does, partially because her only experience of it has been this place, which is inarguably a terrible place, and partially because she's bitter that death isn't reversible back home. Okay, so there's some people she'd want to stay dead forever. But...there's some she'd like back, and one most recent one in particular. She figures Raylan might at least relate a bit, since he's not from some freaky magic world like John was or whatever.

"But this place? I didn't believe it at first, but it's gotta be magic."

We're not allowed to be or keep happiness here, he says.

She thinks of Claire, who she likes way more than she should. But it's not like they get much time, maybe no time at all.

She thinks of Doc. She'd told him I don't know what I'll do when it's you, because it will be. She can't imagine it won't be. Or it'll be her, and maybe she won't come back, like Dean and whoever the fuck else. Maybe that isn't so bad, compared to being left behind. She's always been the one left behind, though, so the cynical part of her thinks it will surely be all of these people she's come to care about long before it will be her. She's just not that lucky.

"So you think they're, like, gathering our trauma. Fuck, okay."

God, what the fuck? But it's not like she has a better idea. She wishes she could definitively say this is crazy bullshit, but...she can't. Well, she could, but even if it is crazy bullshit that doesn't make it false.

"But...for what? You think the same thing happened to the people that lived here, the ones in the photos?"

It was a fair and frankly, a good question. He was glad to hear it - critical thinking wasn't a skill that a lot of people kept on their forward most shelf sometimes. His theory was a lot to process, so Raylan didn't race to answer any of the questions, letting Ellie chew and work her way through it.

Raylan shook his head, index finger tapping on the table as he starts his answer. "It's gotta exist here. Otherwise the photos wouldn't exist here. The other place worked on different rules I think. The fog, the fire, the limited time there.." He shook his head again and took a shallow sip from his glass, teeth baring gently as he swallowed down the burn that some part of him hoped would cleanse him of whatever Mathis left in his head when he came back.

"Can't say I don't disagree with the sentiment," he granted. "Especially when everyone under the sun keeps suggesting that it exists in my world and I'm just too.. normal or blind to see it." He rubbed at his face with another breath.

"But there's too much that we can't explain and while people like Helen say that we oughta give it all the benefit of the doubt, I don't think I can. If Science has answers, it needs to get to work." But that wasn't Ellie's question.

"No, not quite. I think we're sufferin' what those people were sacrificed to. I think it's a cult. To.. something. The symbols. The dedication to the Lodge over so many years. The way old towns keep around old ideas, like gods and traditions. This place has been around since the 1500's I think. 1630 or something. 1830 or somethin'. Long enough. Long enough for the knowledge of how to keep themselves safe to be relegated to stories and legend. So what if it wasn't? What if the townsfolk forgot and stopped. Suffered God knows what for it.. I think about that note on the bulletin board a lot. 'Why is this happening'. I think they were holdin' somethin' at bay and it's not been held back there since '93, when this place went dead."

It was a heavy idea to lay onto shoulders so young but much like the drink, Raylan supported being straightforward when he could help it. She might see or pick something out that he'd missed or hadn't even thought about. The power of brains and perspectives weren't to be discounted.

She sighs, but nods. "All right. It must be here somewhere if there's pictures, yeah. Makes sense." There's still parts of this town she's pretty sure no one's been able to get to. That seems bonkers after this long, but...well, this whole fucking town is bonkers.

"I'm not real inclined to give anything about this town the benefit of the doubt at this point," she says. In a place where nothing has made sense from day one, how can she? Besides, people don't come back from dying, no matter if you really believe that science is the answer or not. How can they explain that away?

"A cult? What, like some religious thing?" She's encountered cults, and they always have some aspect like that going on.

"If they were able to hold it at bay...doesn't that mean we could, too? I mean. If they were like chopping each other up or some shit, I'm out, but maybe there's something else. And if not, then what the fuck are we even doing? Waiting around to die?" She hates that, thanks.

"Only if that benefit of doubt is the doubt that we're getting fucked day in and day out by this place." He tried not to use too much heavy vulgarity around young women, but Mathis being the hellhole she was, it encouraged him to be a little more colorful with his feeling about it. There was no science to reanimation. That's what made science fiction Fiction. Raylan refused to go to that genre for answers or inspirations.

No Zombie Cowboys for him, thanks.

Raylan nodded at the cult question. "Yeah. No kind of religion I ever heard of before but it's a big country and this is an old town." It was always possible. He lifted his eyes back to her as she finished, at her questions, at the anger at sitting around waiting to die. No, he understood that.

"I suppose it does, yeah. But we don't know how they were holdin' it at bay. Mighta been human sacrifice. Mighta been one murder every 4 years or something. Mighta been by sprinkling coffee over cat shit, I dunno. But we're not waitin' around to die. That only happens when we give up lookin' for answers." His head tilted forward a little bit so he could look at her from under his eyebrows with a softly stated but unquestionable resolve. "And I ain't givin' up."

Obviously Ellie doesn't care at all about language. She just snorts a laugh at that. "Yeah, that's about it," she agrees. That's the only thing they're really about to count on, seems like.

She just lets the religion thing go. Maybe Raylan is on to something, but she really dislikes religion. Every encounter she's ever had with religious people has been bullshit, ranging from just weird bigotry to literal cannibals. So she's not sure she wants to poke that too hard. Someone like John could have done it. Ellie, though? Nah.

It's nice to hear he's still in it, even after whatever the fuck he went through with dying twice. So she nods.

"Okay. Yeah. Good. So...you think we can actually find this lodge thing in the regular Mathias? Without dying to get there?"

He took a deep breath, sitting back a little with the exhale and nodding again.

"I do. Well.. Once the fog lets us. If I found it over there, I can find it over here," he said, index finger tapping on the table. "But that ain't the only problem. I've still got the chasm to deal with. I built a bridge once that could get me across, I'm sure I can do it again. I'd need some help holdin' the ends but.." It was doable and something to do in the meantime. That wasn't nothing.

"I do believe we can get over there. Into it."

Her eyebrows raise up towards her hairline at the bridge thing. She leans forward again.

"Holy shit. You got over that chasm? Seriously? Well...if you did it once, yeah, we could do it again. I can help. I'm stronger than I look." She hasn't done as much exploring far out, but it's about time, right? There's too much death here. She has no idea if they can actually find the way out, in the tunnels or some other way, but she definitely wants to, before they all end up really dead, the kind of dead that you don't come back from.

Raylan's chin lifted up a little, and his eyes were calculating as he considered that. She wasn't going to tell him it was stupid? That he was being reckless? She was willing to help? It almost seemed too good to be true.

"Not over it. I could have if Doc and Malcolm hadn't pitched a fit. Just built a makeshift bridge that woulda.." He leaned forward, one elbow propping on the table. "You'd help me? Even if it's just.. us gettin' across this gap and breakin' into the Lodge?"

Ellie herself is prone to recklessness, too, of course. Raylan doesn't know about her revenge thing. Malcolm does. Doc and Claire do, now. Neal does. She's told a surprising number of people at this point. None of them have talked her down, though no one could anyway. And this month and a half in this nightmare town hasn't cooled her jets about it. She has to kill that girl.

But in order to do that, she has to get the fuck out of Mathias, doesn't she?

"They just worry," she says, but she rolls her eyes. She loves those guys, especially Doc, but she's still a teenager. She doesn't need anyone worrying that much about her, she thinks. (She's wrong.)

"Hell yeah, I would. I can pick locks if I can find, like, some stuff to do it. Or we can break in another way. I don't wanna stay here for the rest of our fucking lives, Raylan. Maybe there's some answers in that place. Maybe that's why it's so hard to get to."

"Too much, when it's stops the progress in this place." Risk was all around them in life. Sometimes they had to be taken. No one got anywhere not taking any chances. Raylan considered it with a drum of his fingers, eyes narrowed in thought before he started nodding, eyes dropping down to his glass as he gives a final, more firm nod.

"Alright. On one condition. While we're out there, you do as I ask. Once we get over that gap, anything that comes at us gets me first and you book it back across that gap. That gonna be a problem? They're right to worry, but that doesn't mean we can't be careful. They're gonna kick my ass anyway, takin' someone your age any where a place that could be that dangerous. But you've been through some shit. And I ain't against you making yourself that kinda useful. Can't get more experience if you don't do nothing."

It was low, getting someone her age to come with him on something like that but Raylan was out of options and these younger folks needed their own chance to help. To make their own decisions and mistakes.

She rolls her eyes even harder at that. Man, he sounds like Joel saying shit like that.

"You know I'm not a kid, right? That I come from a place where I shoot Infected to stay alive?" She doesn't tell him she shoots actual people, either. That seems a lot worse to admit, but...you do what you have to to stay alive. Or to get bloody revenge, whatever.

"But yeah, whatever. We'll be careful." She crosses her arms. "I'll listen." Will she? She might, unless she really thinks that Raylan's in trouble. She wouldn't run and leave him to something awful. She couldn't stand to. But she'll agree so he takes her, even if it's maybe a little shitty.

"You think that guy is out there? You know the one, right? That dark guy. I saw him back, like, not long after we got here. He was creepy as fuck. Maybe he's not real, but...who knows."

"You know that if I did think that I wouldn't be acceptin' this idea in the first place, right? Please note my 'You've been through some shit' comment," he replied with an unimpressed curl of his features before he went back to staring down his glass like it had challenged him to something.

"The shadow guy?" He bobbed his head in a nod. "Yeah. Don't know if he's real, but that could just mean he's only a manifestation of the energy of this place. I figure that means he can come outta anywhere. Knocked Five on his ass, so he's definitely not an ally. Active combatant. Which is why I want you to run. We can't stop him. Not sure we could even if I had my gun, to be honest with you." No use in lying to her.

"But if we come back from the dead that.. That changes things, doesn't it." It was ugly and messy and it hurt like hell, but the consequences weren't what they once were.

"Uh-huh," Ellie says, just as unimpressed, but without bite. She knows how adults are, especially overprotective ones. Raylan isn't Doc, obviously. Doc would probably lock them both in a room before he let them go on this thing to find the Lodge. And of course, Ellie would prefer to have a gun or at least a bow. But she's not a woodworker. That's one thing she never did learn from Joel. Now she's not sure she could stand to learn from someone else, but it's a moot point for the time being. Tiny knife will have to do.

"He doesn't feel fake," she says. She's not sure how to explain it. "I mean...he feels fucking scary, you know? Like the fog and...sometimes when you go places here, that scary feeling." That's an understatement and she knows it, but she's not sure what words to use for the dread, the unease, all of it. It's totally unnatural. So maybe that guy isn't real the way she and Raylan sitting here are. But whoever or whatever he is, she thinks he's bad news.

She stares back down at her own drink.

"But we don't know who comes back," she says. "I guess it's a different gamble than it should be. But I can't ever tell you who gets to come back and who just...never does." She thinks of Rey in the snow. She thinks of Dean, now, who had died when so many others had, but isn't back. And then there's her, surviving against odds, just like back home. The guilt from that is a hell of a thing, and she's carried it for years now. Mathias isn't doing anyone any favours.

Raylan would let that go. Trying to convince teenagers, or those just coming out of it of anything was a struggle and Raylan wasn't out here looking for solid acknowledgement of every bend he gave to people.

"He feels like the monster under the bed," he admitted in agreement. Hell, he was half surprised the Shadow Man didn't have Arlo's face - Raylan's personal boogie monster. He functioned on the idea that boogie monsters were only real if you let them be. That idea didn't apply to the Shadow man. They weren't eight years old anymore, but a part of Raylan felt like they regressed in that department when facing the Guy.

"Yeah." The reply was softly spoken, would have been almost inaudible if the silence of the empty place hadn't settled so well around them. He hated the losses they'd suffered here. Hated that he knew for a fact they would suffer more. More graves. More disappearances. More of their hearts being torn out and kicked around and nothing a single one of them could do about it.

"That's the chance. Which is why I'd rather you not take it if we can help it. I'm willin' to roll those dice, but I've already lived. Already made my peace with what's comin' to me back home. Just gotta adjust it a little for Mathis, that's all. Plug in the new math."

Ellie is quiet for a minute. Raylan's right, of course. That guy feels like the fucking bogeyman, like something that can't exist. But he's gotta still be out there somewhere, she thinks. Maybe he's the man in charge of this place, who knows. She's not sure they'll ever get answers. She doesn't care as much about that as she does about getting them all out of this town.

She makes herself meet Raylan's eyes.

"Everybody dies. It doesn't matter if I'm young and you're not. It's never fair and it happens no matter what we do. Remember where I came from. Being in constant danger of just fucking dying pointlessly is just how it is. It's worth the risk, especially if we find some clue about how to save everyone from this bullshit town."

Raylan didn't flinch away from the harsh realities that Ellie was speaking.

"It does. You've still got life ahead of you that doesn't need to be formed around that kinda hell. I'm grown and I'd rather keep from addin' to my own pile if I can help it. Patience is what's gonna get us there, not jumpin' the gun or pressin' at the wrong time. What if we press and Mathis responds by puttin' us back at square one? Clearly we're both in for the fight of it, but I'd rather not waste my energy where I don't need to if I don't have to.

This ain't just about dying. That's just the heaviest part."

It was strategy, in the end. A strategy that aimed to be as safe as it could, knowing full well that safety was measured in grains of rice here and not weighted blankets. Not nearly enough of it to go around.

037-040 » the reason for time

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