"We didn't need to know that," Doc grunts as Raylan parts. He doesn't need the invitation to crawl back into bed but he is appreciative of it nonetheless, reclaiming his spot that has since gone a little cold and sliding in next to Malcolm.
"Do you?" He asks Malcolm as he lies down on his side facing him, folding his arm over his stomach. Doc knows a thing or two about being idealised and idolised. He can understand how Raylan feels. They might be progressing towards a point where they are straining, fraying at the edges, close to breaking, but so far Raylan has been a rampart keeping this house intact. Like Doc he probably hasn't been giving himself frequent enough opportunities to just be okay with not having his shit together.
"My relationships with the people who took care of me as I got progressively ill had changed from when I was still their gunslinging hero. You may not think of him as a caretaker but he may think of himself as needing to be caretaking. He thinks you have not seen him at his lowest, you do not know what it entails, that you are not of his world and would not understand, and that you are undeserving of that kind of ugliness. It is a difficult thing, when a man cannot articulate that he wants something precious. Only that he wants not to hurt or ruin it even more. Unfortunately, on this side of the line, you only feel the rejection all the same." But hopefully Doc can reassure him that it is not rejection. A 'thank you but no thank you' is different from a 'thank you but I just need some time'. The South is on its own schedule, ten times slower than a city that claims not to sleep. All Doc has is time. He can be wont to drag things out too.
And don't say Doc never talks. He talks plenty, see?
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"Do you?" He asks Malcolm as he lies down on his side facing him, folding his arm over his stomach. Doc knows a thing or two about being idealised and idolised. He can understand how Raylan feels. They might be progressing towards a point where they are straining, fraying at the edges, close to breaking, but so far Raylan has been a rampart keeping this house intact. Like Doc he probably hasn't been giving himself frequent enough opportunities to just be okay with not having his shit together.
"My relationships with the people who took care of me as I got progressively ill had changed from when I was still their gunslinging hero. You may not think of him as a caretaker but he may think of himself as needing to be caretaking. He thinks you have not seen him at his lowest, you do not know what it entails, that you are not of his world and would not understand, and that you are undeserving of that kind of ugliness. It is a difficult thing, when a man cannot articulate that he wants something precious. Only that he wants not to hurt or ruin it even more. Unfortunately, on this side of the line, you only feel the rejection all the same." But hopefully Doc can reassure him that it is not rejection. A 'thank you but no thank you' is different from a 'thank you but I just need some time'. The South is on its own schedule, ten times slower than a city that claims not to sleep. All Doc has is time. He can be wont to drag things out too.
And don't say Doc never talks. He talks plenty, see?