Neal fumbled, breathless himself, for so many reasons. "No, it's not that, it's-- I wanted to."

He laughed, pained. "I never thought..."

He never thought he'd find anyone who knew him and thought he was enough, and now there were two of them, and he hadn't even known either one a week.

This place was going to ruin him, and if he wasn't careful, he would take down the best of them with him. Maybe that was overstating. Maybe he didn't mean nearly as much to either of them as they did to him already. But he wouldn't risk it.

Neal let go of his stirring spoon, ignoring the fact that it slipped into the mass of poaching fruit. He needed both hands. One to press to Malcolm's cheek, one to take his hand.

"I promised someone here... I promised her to be there. Like this. I didn't say it, not. I didn't spell it out."

He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to be honest. He didn't want to hurt Malcolm. He didn't want to have to tell Daisy about this, hurt her, maybe ruin whatever fragile, beautiful little thing they had. He didn't want any of it. He would have given anything to just have them both for however long this place lasted.

But he'd tried to have things both ways with the treasure. He'd almost ruined his life, and Elizabeth's, and Peter's, and Mozzie's. He couldn't do that again. He wouldn't.

"I will be... everything I can to you while we're here." He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Malcolm's. "But I can't be this."